Lost Identity...and Hope
I just wanted to share with everyone a post from our ADHD Forum. The original post was started right before the holidays and was given the name “Lost Identity” from the Forum member who initiated the thread. People shared very openly about the pain they often experience with ADHD. There was a tremendous amount of empathy and understanding expressed and the thread ended with a very hopeful message from a parent with ADHD. I would like to share her post with you. This post is for all who are affected in some way by ADHD.
“Thanks for the well wishes, back at you on that one! You know what I would wish for some of you? I would wish you could have a fast forward day to see down the road where you are and what you accomplished!
A couple weeks ago, I was in the mode of crap. I am sick of my mind. I am sick of not coming across as the person that I really am. I am sick of fighting myself every day. I am sick of being that small kid inside me that was abused, rejected, institutionalized and abused in there, put in jail, and a bunch of other stuff!
I felt the same way as a lot of what I read here when people are just starting to deal with the problematic symptoms of ADHD. I felt locked and hopelessness. I felt inadequate in all parts of my life except for my job. I felt stupid! At times I felt dead inside, like a ghost walking around on earth!
BUT, I did what saved my life. I am not real sure why I did it, but I reached out for some serious help, hooked into a great head doc, laid it out on the table, committed to some serious agreements with him if I would just work hard and make changes! I also hooked into some really great people on some reputable forums and reached out there - not easy, but I did it and still do. I hope you all can start seeing some of the hope that is in my life now that will help me move, get unstuck, feel worth something and believe people when they tell me I do good things or they point out some value I have!
I also hope that parents really study this stuff for their kids’ sake and tell their kids how great they are and tell them all the time. Support your kid through right or wrong. Never make them feel alone or damaged. That is what I see for all of us that deal with ADHD!!!”
Thanks for the encouraging words to parents i your post. As a mom of a young ADHD boy, I feel like a failure. It’s not our son that is the problem. It is those who deal with him in the ‘real world,’ without any concept of how his brain works. You’ve made me feel a little better by supporting what we do as his parents: always, always we tell our son we love him – no matter what; that he has a beautiful mind, to love his mind and be who he is; and to remember that he will be able to do anything and everything he is dreaming up for his life.
Also, remember that in school kids are expected to be good at every subject, but as adults we specialize in areas where we have the most interest, skills and passion.
Imagine if we had to be excellent at every type of career – computer programming, as a physician, a scientist, an accountant, business manager, stock trader, artist, editor. That would be impossible! Instead we narrow down our career choices to a skill we are good at and enjoy.
Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that with your support and love your son can most definitely follow his dreams despite the frustrations he may now experience in the “real world.”
IF YOU WERE MY SON….. I WOULD GIVE YOU A BIG HUG AND TELL YOU HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH SOOO MUCH (ME TOO) BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER… DO YOUR BEST TO FORGIVE THE IGNORANCE AND UNKINDNESS OF OTHERS. IT HELPS “YOU” SO MUCH IN LIFE.TO RELEASE THEM. PRAY FOR THEM, AND STAY AWAY FROM SUCH PEOPLE. NEVER GIVE UP…. ALWAYS PRAY… ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER A CORRECTED MISTAKE IS NO LONGER A MISTAKE! GOALS ARE DREAMS YOU MAKE HAPPEN… WITH GODLEADING YOU ALL THE WAY!!!! BLESSINGS TO YOU DEAR ONE.
My last boyfriend always made me feel inadequate and stupid for having brain fog and attention problems. Not even because he was mean, but because he was unable to understand and mostly unwilling to do what it took to be able to understand (he’d try his own thing, but never what I suggested, and still say he tried). At any rate, it was bad for my self-esteem. It made me feel trapped and imprisoned in this hopeless mind of mine. Now that we are no longer together, I feel less stupid even though I make the same number of errors that I did. I am just surrounded by people who sympathize and are patient and it makes all the difference in the world.
im 14 i have adhd. my mom doesnt get exactly how adhd is. im failing classes and she cant understand its not all my falt, i will admit i could try harder sometimes but even if i do it never seems to be good enough. im not really sure what to do and im tired of always being in tutoring because of it. i just wish i could get mom to understand.
Abbey,
The best way for your mom to understand about ADHD and how it makes your life challenging, is for her to become more educated about ADHD. Sit down with her and ask her to look at books about ADHD, particularly those about girls with ADHD. Look at websites about ADHD together. Find out if you have a CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) support group in your area. Go to ADHD conferences and workshops together.
Are you seeing anyone for ADHD treatment? If not, ask your parents about setting up an appointment right away. Meet with this ADHD professional and have them provide more information to your mom. Getting involved in treatment is so important to your success and happiness. Your mom may understand better as she begins to see the positive changes in your life.