What Can I Do To Help My Impulsive Child?
Tuesday June 23, 2009
“My 9-year-old son has ADHD and is an only child. Being a single parent, I feel guilty for having to work and wanting some time for myself, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by his clingy attitude. He's not maturing in this aspect and, coupled with his hyperactivity, I feel like an incompetent mother. He asks for hugs all the time, doesn't let me go to the bathroom without knocking on the door, interrupts conversations...I'm in dire need of better methods to help my son.” --About.com user
i think the boy really needs your attention.i understand how it is being a mother i have 5 so i know how it is for a child to want attention.you must be really busy,but you have to find a special time in the day for just him even if it is for one hour.sometimes i know you might be so stressed you dont even want to open your mouth to talk thats how i feel sometimes,but doing something with him like coloring,you will be suprized how it will calm you down.and when you feel like you are being clinged onto, just explain to him just how it is ‘mommy just got home and i need some time to wind down i will be right with you(but in a way he understands it). i know you need time to yourself ,it’s needed in order for you to be ok mentally,but just set aside a consistent time every day thats he knows about,he prbably looks forward to seeing you.and gets fidgetty at the idea of a moment with you passing him by.since i have 5 i feel alot of strain when it comes to that. and to anyone going thru it, i want to say its ok to give attention one kid at a time just as long as you take turns ,sometimes i might take 2 out one day and then 2 out another. you rarely see me with em all at once, and i feel guilt free about it because i know i do it fairly,and they take turns,and i know who gets along when it comes to my kids n things run smoother that way i usually take my 10 year old by herself.and the last 4 in pairs.the oldest ones always need more attention and they help more so i like to take her places nice to thank her. they are so used to it, they have never complain about it.cause they know that if they didint get to go somewhere with me, that it just wasnt thier turn.just dont wear yourself out moms n dads
Kids do need attention but they also need boundries. We have to set limits so our ADHD kids know what is expected of them. I use chore cards for routines as well as behavior and attitude. My kids are rewarded in a positive way for following through. I would set up a card which may say: Do not interupt mommy while she’s on the phone or a similar for when wanting some privacey in the bathroom. Since your son is very young, you may want to have an activity you can give him to keep him occupied when you need space. If you’re on the phone, go back to him every 30 seconds or so to left him know how proud you are of his behavior and maybe have a reward in place for when you finish the call. I’ve learned many great parenting strategies and behavior mgmt techniques from Elaine Lerner, MSW, She teaches ADHD parenting on Long Island, NY. Her website is http://www.adhdparenttrainer.com. She also recommends using chore/behavior cards. There’s a wonderful website which is a card creater and is really simple to use. It’s a click and print program so it’s easy for everyone to use. My kids make their own chore cards now because they love this site. What more could a mom ask for?!? The site is http://www.MyADHDConnection.com Check it out. It also gives a map for an overall behavior mgmt plan called Winning Ways. It really works if you stick with it and continue to focus on the positive, reward the positive and stay consitent. We love it!
Alice,
This is wonderful advice. Thanks so much for sharing. This special one-on-one time is so, so important. Sometimes we forget how much it means to our children. Thanks for reminding us all.
Mom2Three,
Thanks for sharing the links.
Mom2Three – I completely agree with setting boundaries and checking on them and saying good job when they can respect the boundary.
In our house, after dinner, the kids usually watch TV and sometimes do dishes. That is when I tell everyone – OK I’m going to get some mommy time, does anyone need anything? if No, I say ok remember not to interrupt me, I will be back down in a few minutes.
It is easier with more than one child though… friends I have with one child that is clingy have a very hard time of it sometimes.
My son loves magazines and this has been his answer for ‘quiet time’ for 8 years! Maybe you can find your son’s favorite thing while you catch up on chores, phone calls, and bathroom time!