My boyfriend moved in with me after his divorce 9 months ago. I am also divorced with two children. He has three kids and they split time between our house and their mother's. My question is related to his youngest daughter, Emily, age 3.
She is very defiant, throws tantrums, doesn’t sleep well at night, is restless, has potty accidents, is always running around and is very clumsy. As soon as she sees food she will want some no matter if she has just eaten. She talks constantly and will not sit still. She can't even sit and watch TV for 5 minutes, so we never get a break from all her activity. Could she have ADHD?
It’s a tough call with a child so young. Her age makes it difficult to tease out what may be ADHD related and what may be developmental. On top of that the changes in her environment (her parents’ divorce, moving part time into a new home with a new family, the back and forth between homes) likely create a feeling of instability and insecurity that may result in behavior problems. These stressors can also cause a child to regress if she was previously potty trained or slow down the potty training process if she wasn’t. You mention sleep being an issue as well. If she is not getting the quality sleep she needs, she will most definitely be more distracted, impulsive, irritable, clumsy and defiant.
If possible you and your boyfriend may want to get together as a family with Emily’s mother (and perhaps any other involved adults like grandparents) and discuss the issues. Meet with the pediatrician and try to develop a plan to get Emily on a better sleep schedule and come up with a plan to make the transitions between homes more consistent and predictable. Discuss the food issue with the doctor to make sure Emily is getting proper nutrition. Spend lots of quality positive one-on-one time with her and let her know she is loved and valued.
Once the home environment feels more stable, Emily may begin to make improvements. She may also benefit from involvement in a structured morning preschool program. If issues continue after all these strategies are in place, this will give the doctor more information and he or she will be better able to sort out what may be causing the problems and whether they are ADHD related or not.
Be sure to help the other kids through this transition time, too. It’s easy for the ones who don’t require as much attention to get neglected in the process.
Additional Reading:
ADHD in Young Children
Symptoms of ADHD
Three C’s of Parenting
ADHD and Siblings
Behavior Management
Myths About ADHD
