Personal Stories of ADD
One reader posted a question, “What is it like NOT to have ADD/ADHD?” I asked readers for comments to this question. The response was overwhelming.The following is a list of some of the responses. The ADHD experience is certainly unique for each individual. The comments below reflect individual personal experiences and opinions. While some of these symptoms and behaviors can often be part of the ADD/ADHD picture, they are not inevitably so and can also be present independent of the diagnosis.
Kim is 49 years old and was diagnosed with ADD approximately 2 1/2 years ago at age 46. Her 23-year-old son was diagnosed several months later. She says, “I have taken courses to help me deal with the mourning of 46 undiagnosed years, especially as a single ADD mom raising an ADD kid, and work on improving my management skills constantly.” Though her years before diagnosis and treatment were extremely difficult, Kim’s outlook on life is now much more positive and she expresses appreciation for her wonderful gifts.
Kim's Insights:
Kim shares her thoughts on life with ADD and how it has improved with treatment.- My life often felt like I was trying to connect together pieces from a million jigsaw puzzles all mixed together.
- I no longer feel as if everyone I ever met was better qualified to raise my son. Now I see that with a lot of the frustration and confusing inability to focus out of the way, I know him better than anyone and love him more and more every day.
- While not always entirely consistent, I can now provide stability and structure from which my son can:
- Feel safe being a bit of a late bloomer.
- Work on overcoming the anxiety, depression etc. that are inevitable with ADD.
- Pursue the artistic nature of his beautiful soul, loving, giving heart and wildly creative dreams, rather than being stressed all the time, and blamed and made to feel like a ‘bad’ kid.
The incredible sadness I feel for his early years I will hold tightly for the rest of my life as a reminder to continue forward, but on the one hand, while I can now see clearly the damage he sustained in his roller-coaster childhood, on the other I also am now strong and wise and able to assist him in finding his own strength and the amazing path to his extraordinary future!
- I am now visible at work as an important cog in day-to-day functions, maintaining a fairly organized work flow and making considered and considerable contributions, rather than as formerly, watching in despair while my workload piled higher and higher and got more and more behind, becoming more vulnerable to both real and psychosomatic illnesses, missing days, racking up increasingly more frequent tardies as the daily norm, while still hoping I was avoiding detection just a little longer.
- I have nearly conquered the elusive functional ‘to do’ list which for me in the past was either nonexistent (To do: Remember to make/use to do list), or would in itself become an evolving, ever more intricate work-in-progress project of finding the perfect list-making and planning essentials only to end up with yet another pile of unused stuff. I have not transitioned to electronic technology yet, but I have it down to a small, manageable pocket planner and a family dry-erase calendar and list board with four categories.
What Would Be Different If I Didn’t Have ADHD?
Eleanor, who has ADHD, shares her thoughts:
"I would be able to organize the physical objects in my life as well as I can organize my thinking and writing. Clearing up piles of assorted stuff seems totally impossible.
I've been working at life for 77 years, and as long as I can remember I was developing personal ‘strategies’ to help me get through whatever I had to do. I was a good student, and words and writing were always a strong interest.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD after a failed marriage, and as a private tutor I began to read more and more about the ‘traits,’ as Dr. Ned Hallowell refers to the condition. I knew it was what I had always had, but had had no name for. I decided to get it officially diagnosed about three years ago."
Mayin, who is from the Phillipines, is the mother of an 18-year-old son with ADHD. She shares:
“The teachers are complaining that he is ‘daydreaming’ and ‘not focused’ in class.” To keep up academically, he is tutored in each major subject.
“Here in the Philippines, ADHD will rarely survive academically and behaviorally in a regular big school with 47 students in class. Academically, students have to catch up on their own following a course outline. Conduct is graded by following the school rules and there are so many rules! In class, we have a ‘Best in Conduct’ award.” Though Mayin notes that her son is not in line for that award, he excels in other areas. “My son wins the heart of the teachers if asked to do projects which are not structured or those which demand creativity.” Mayin also shares that her son is an extremely fun personality.
Mayin adds additional thoughts:
“What it’s like for those without ADHD: In School, you will have a few minutes in grasping lectures, reviewing, less repetitions in memorization. You will not be mistaken as a slow learner in class since you cannot grasp the instruction in one explanation.
For those with ADHD: Socially -- You give zest in a group, like a Mr. Bean in creativity with jokes, super creative. What is life like without ADHD? Maybe boring....it’s good we have ADHD around us.”
May, who also has ADHD shares, “I think the one advantage to not having ADHD would be the ability to turn the mind off voluntarily.”
Take Home Message:
Thank you to all the readers for sharing such personal experiences. ADHD presents itself differently in each individual. Some common themes can be found. Finding support and self acceptance, self care, nurturing strengths, developing strategies to help minimize weaknesses, and surrounding yourself with positive people who appreciate your gifts and understand how ADHD impacts your daily life –- all these strategies are helpful for living life to the fullest and finding joy in the ADHD experience.
Read More:
The ADHD Experience: Part 1
The ADHD Experience: Part 2
