Personal Story of ADHD - From One Father/Husband to Others
Hard Times at Home
A father of two, Ted Scherer was diagnosed with ADHD at age 48 after his wife encouraged him to see a doctor. Though he had adapted and developed coping mechanisms to manage his work environment, the energy he had to maintain to excel at work left him with little once he was home.
When at home, Ted felt safe letting his guard down. “My family bore the brunt of my inability to moderate my behavior 24/7. It required more energy than I could consistently muster. I had expected my wife and two daughters would be more understanding of my shortcomings because of my dedication to providing for them,” said Ted, who ended up coping with stressors at home by isolating himself, and admits that he felt his shortcomings were character flaws. To top it off, he acknowledges that he was an absentee father. “The time and energy required to prosper at work also took me away from spending time with my daughters.”
Relationships Improve with Treatment
“I have benefited from the medication for my ADHD, and therapy designed to review my negativity. It has required some very painful self-examination. My family (all female) desired small considerations such as habitually noticing them and reminding them of how important they are.” Ted has become more aware of and in tune to these considerations. He is more empathetic and better able to see things from another’s point of view. He is less apt to internalize negative thoughts.
“I believe those fathers who have lived with ADHD develop negative attitudes from a lifetime of inner conflict involving their behavior.” Ted struggled with these inner feelings, including feelings of denial, and often felt disconnected from his family. “Make every effort to direct your energy at caring for your family.” Be present with them. No matter how tumultuous life at home has felt, you can start over. “Make every effort to walk that fine line between persecuting yourself for a condition you cannot always control, and the responsibility to seek the help and knowledge to improve, for your sake and the sake of your family.”
Be Kind to Yourself
If you are a man who has struggled and beaten himself up with shame and anger, get help. “You are not your past. Bravely face the future with the understanding that you will need assistance to move forward. Remember that the focus you require includes knowledge of your condition.” Ted encourages others to be patient with their family as they learn more about ADHD. “Wait patiently for those closest to you to understand. They will be behind you on the learning curve.”
Look forward. Be hopeful. Be realistic. Be positive. “Do not crucify yourself between the two thieves of past regrets and the fear of the future. Those who love and count on you will be grateful, now and in the future.”
Related Articles:
Gaining a Sense of Control Over One's Life
Living with ADHD as an Adult
Taking Care of Ourselves
Source:
Ted Scherer, “Dads with ADHD.” Email to Keath Low. 20 Dec. 2007, 23 Dec. 2007 and 9 Jan. 2008.
