I was in the dark
- My boyfriend hid his ADD from me. I always suspected something was up, perhaps a personality disorder or something as he kept telling me the same stories over and over in a very short time frame, didn't remember things we talked about say earlier that day, lots and lots of jobs coming and going, etc. When I did ask and he told me about the ADD he became hostile, defensive and broke up with me. Wow, never even gave me a chance to understand this or exercise patience with him, nothing. I'm not sure I could have tolerated much more but don't understand why he felt it necessary to hide from the truth. I guess he felt I would judge or think less of him. Well I do but not because of the ADD more so because he felt the need to lie for so long until his back was against the wall. Trying to understand and that is why I am here. Thanks for everyone’s comments. It helps a lot.
- —Guest sue
To tell or not to tell
- I have experienced mostly negative responses in the workplace. If your boss is cruel, do not expect that to change when or if you disclose ADD. I think it depends on your relationship with your coworker and boss. One of the responses was don't use ADD as an excuse, because your coworkers will resent you -that's true. It is also hard to succeed in the workplace when you are assigned boring tasks.
- —Guest Texas Tumbleweed
Undiagnoised ADHD Ruined my Marriage
- I'm 57 years old and have an appt for ADHD testing. I don't need the doctor’s confirmation; I already know it's true. I got here because my husband of 15 years left me. I couldn't understand why. I began therapy and tried to work on the grief and pain of being without my husband. It was through a newsletter that was entitled something about ADHD that I went to read the article. I'm a special education teacher with 2 masters degrees and was I blown out of the water. It was me. I took the self test and burst into tears. My life suddenly began to make sense. My husband has known for years that something was wrong but he couldn't put a name on it. He suggested that I go to therapy but I wouldn’t go. He couldn't talk to me because I was in his words always mad. How I wish that I was tuned in! How I wish that I'd been diagnosed way before now. How different my life would be. I don't know what my future holds. I can't get my mind to stay still long enough to make any plans for a future.
- —Tiaht313
Symptoms Ameliorated
- Undiagnosed until late thirties, ADD was a major deterrent to my potential. Now with meds my life is unlimited and I feel emancipated. Free to now enjoy my full potential. Treatment was a Godsend and miraculous.
- —Guest TK Lawson RPhT
Feel in love
- I can only say that this has really affected me emotionally. I met this great guy and really feel in love with him. He did tell me he has ADHD but I was very ignorant to the fact of what it entailed. I am very hurt because he is hyper focused on his lawn and house. Very hurtful because he was so focused on what I wanted at first but now he pays no attention. I feel it's time to move on. It makes one hurt because something like this can affect such wonderful people.
- —Guest Frustrated
The Life Struggle of ADD
- It is because of my Dad that I have my degree today. I see ADD as a different type of "brain wiring". My brain has to process information slowly and methodically. I will always "get straight to the point" in discussion rather than pad out conversation with social convention. It is so humiliating when people think you are stupid when we (ADD people), know that we are not. Our brains just work differently. Unfortunately for us, the world is structured to accommodate people with non ADD brain wiring. What hurts so much is that because of this, we do miss out on many opportunities in life. The number of times I have been described by people, including 2 family members, as "hopeless", "selfish", "inconsiderate"..... to me, highlights their lack of empathy and their inability to "think outside the square". Now that's not a very smart brain! All I can say is: people have absolutely no idea what it is like to try to survive life with ADD let alone to live it!
- —Guest Anon.
Such a Life Struggle
- I first suspected that I might have undiagnosed ADD when I heard a University Professor on the radio discussing his struggle with paying bills, being organized, not losing things, time management, impulsivity and excessive talking. Subsequently, my official diagnosis was given 2 years later when after dexamphetamine I was able to sit down in a noisy environment and read a whole chapter of a book! For me, having ADD has made my life such huge struggle. I did brilliantly at school but this was only because a put a massive effort into my studies. Going through university was almost unbearable. What I could not reconcile, was the fact I knew from an intellectual perspective that I was okay but at the same time there was "something wrong with my brain" as it took me so long to finish tasks etc. My beautiful Dad was my Ritalin, Dexedrine, etc. for me. He would read my text books for me and then teach the content to me. He would take pages and pages of my notes and simplify them for me.
- —Guest Anon.
Better Late Than Never
- Before diagnosis my life was such a mess that I felt I was buried alive. I carried a heavy load all the time -debt, relationship & family problems, family…everything, everywhere. The medicine helped a lot, but didn't remove it and I've been working on the behavior changes. But, trying to clean up from a lifetime of impulsivity, poor choices, disorganization, and the rest, while trying to learn how to live with ADHD is really a bit much. I did manage to become an R.N. and passion got me thru school, but working as a nurse for 30 years and scrambling to keep up every day has taken its toll by means of anxiety and pure exhaustion. I just got fired for tardiness...and I'll never go back. For those of you who are younger, PLEASE follow your passion and do what you love. I never used to cry much. Now it saddens me to tears that I'm treated like I'm using it as an excuse and I should be ashamed. What I think is most misunderstood is how it affects EVERY moment of our lives and EVERYTHING we do.
- —NancyIppolito
Better Late Than Never
- Reading through this is such good medicine. It's like we're the same person. I was diagnosed 5 years ago at age 55. I am grateful to have gotten the opportunity to experience life with some clarity and to, at least, find out there's a medical reason for the 55 year nightmare known as my life. I remember the day I started taking medication. I was sitting on the floor in the living room and, suddenly, I started to slowly look around, scanning my unfamiliar surroundings. It was the same furniture, same windows, same floor cluttered with art projects. But there was a clarity and everything had a clean distinctness. "Is this what it's like? You mean this is the way people see the world? You mean I could have lived my life this way had I not had ADHD or had been on meds?" Oh my God. I became angry. I was so angry for all I went thru, for the lost childhood, for the anxiety, FOR THE CRITICISM, for the debilitating anxiety, for what could have been.
- —NancyIppolito
It's all relative
- In hind-sight I showed quite obvious signs of a learning difficulty or an inability to concentrate on what was deemed 'important'. I never complied and failed to complete 98% of projects though I'm by no means stupid. Although I've had good friendships over the years I have been the 'mental' one, going off on tangents. I'm an artist and a struggling one at that, with my inability to concentrate I am sitting here writing this instead of painting at my easel. It's tough in life when everyone else seems to do far superior things due to their amazing prowess to jump through hoops. I have felt so despondent some days and have suffered terribly by the hands of extreme anxiety. I feel good these days and enlightened from my experiences. I don't need to be diagnosed to prove I am defunct, I know it. I say that in the best possible light, who doesn't have problems? We all need something to relate to and I hope this is for someone. I just finished my first painting in 3 years :)
- —Guest Jen
I was laughing and crying as I read thru
- I was laughing and crying as I read thru these posts. I had an aha! moment. You're describing me! Forgetting stuff, unfinished projects and moving on to something else, running my mouth, always unmotivated, restless, bored, easily distracted, can't pay attention for a long time. As a child, my teachers would always send reports home that I was a daydreamer, or I rarely completed tasks, & that they thought I had some behavioral issues. They thought I was unmotivated and had poor work ethic. I blamed myself. When I went to the doctor, they claimed that I was just depressed and pumped me full of anti-depressants, which never really worked. Then, when I went back they would say it was perhaps a personality disorder, then maybe it was just a learning disability, and I saw counselors. I felt so lost and helpless. Couldn't make it on time ANYWHERE, slow, easily irritated, couldn't focus for a long time in college, failing classes. Always wanted to go out and just do something fun, losing jobs, etc. I always felt like something was wrong.
- —autricia
Severe ADHD
- I suffer with ADHD a great deal, I am fortunate enough that my dad helps me and that I currently receive social security so that I don't have to work. Because working with ADHD can be a very torturing experience. To a certain degree I wish that I could still work and be around other people though from time to time. I've come to realize that people are not going to understand, so why waste your time trying to continue to explain it to them. If only they knew what it was like to live with ADHD every day, they wouldn't say the things that they say to us. Instead, they should be thankful that they don't have the disorder themselves and just help those with ADHD to be more successful in their work lives.
- —2678
Hope
- Being criticized for what translates into having a genetic, neurological disability does a number on my self esteem and I know I need to find someone who is accepting and non-judgmental, as well as very patient. So if anyone thinks they are out there all alone, you are thankfully very wrong. Look online for support groups in your area and don't be afraid to take medication, as the effects can truly be life altering. A pill is not a skill, so once you get your meds under control, seek help to change your behaviors and learn to do things differently. Faith is taking the first step when you don't see the whole staircase.
- —Guest Allison in Denver CO
Running out of options...
- I am almost 40 and was diagnosed with ADD when I was 32. I have a Masters Degree in Social Work and was able to get thru grad school because I was very interested and passionate about what I was studying. I have had 7 jobs in 10 years. I have been on all of the first line stimulants that treat ADD and none of them work. I am seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in adults with ADD and he is trying me on some medications that are being used off label to treat ADD. I filed bankruptcy due to having $28k in credit card debt, and I am still pretty impulsive with money. My ADD is very pervasive and there is no part of my life it does not touch. I don't have problems controlling my emotions and am not easily angered. Being a social worker, I am sensitive to others' feelings, but I have ALL of the other symptoms- poor time management, horrible procrastination, short term memory deficits, motivation issues, trouble with prioritization, impulsivity, you name it. Life with ADD is no joke and it does not help that it, along with so many other mental disorders is not understood. Even among professionals, 93% of mental health practitioners, including psychiatrists have little or NO training in ADD/ADHD. I can't help but wonder about my future and if I will ever be successful in any job. I just CANNOT handle paperwork, and in social work, there is a ton of it. I am currently looking at other careers that might be a better fit for me, and wondering what in the heck I am going to do if I end up being in the 3% of people for whom no medication is effective. I am criticized a lot by my partner for asking for help frequently and this is not a good feeling.
- —Guest Allison in Denver CO
I can relate
- I am 35 years old, diagnosed ADD when I was 26. And tonight, until I started reading these responses, was almost crying with frustration as I tried to figure out my bills and finances. I don’t know anyone else who is ADD so I turned to the web to see if there’s anyone who understands how I feel and the struggles I face. I can't say how much it helps to know that others are dealing with the same issues I am! I don't feel so alone now and I guess I just want to thank you all for sharing because it has definitely had a positive impact on me!
- —Guest Sam
