From the article: Myths About ADHD
Do you ever struggle with people “not believing” in your (or your loved one’s) ADHD? How do you deal with the misperceptions and inaccuracies? Please share your experiences. Share Your Experiences
Assertively Advocating for Your Child
- My son was told he would not graduate from Jr. High (they suspected laziness and drugs). While getting my son medical assistance I read everything I could on ADD coaching. I had to be assertive with his father about his need for medication (we are divorced and he is undiagnosed ADHD). In his freshman year I tried working with his counselor and she told me, "All our ADD students do just fine without extra assistance." We barely made it through his freshman year. Finally in my son's sophomore year I requested an IEP from the school, which changed the course of my son's life. His father agreed to let my son live with me during the full academic year so I could coach. Through all this I taught my son how to assertively advocate for himself. This quarter his report card came home with straight A's. From the bottom to the top there are many who do not believe in ADD/ADHD, but for those of us who do, we need to remember assertively advocating for ourselves and/or our child is key.
- —Guest Lisa Murphy
Find People Who Really Know ADHD
- I find it hard to cope with having children with ADHD but on top of that, I get very little support from others because the majority of people only know myths about ADHD. When people hear that we have children with ADHD, people say unhelpful but well intentioned comments. Such as, 'don't worry, people with ADHD do really well as adults,' and 'you grow out of that, though,' and 'at least you don't have a child with a disability.' This invalidates the real impact of ADHD. I think the only way to cope is to get together with others who experience ADHD first hand.
- —Guest Lucy
They Don't Get It!
- My son has been diagnosed with ADHD since the 3rd grade. He is now a 6th grader. When I meet with teachers, I can tell within the first 10-15 minutes whether they believe in ADHD. I choose to work with the teachers that understand it is not just a "behavior" problem. The others I ignore. Can't please everyone! I work with my son to help him understand that not everyone understands his condition and that's life. He will run into non-believers the rest of his life and that goes for just about anything not just ADHD!
- —Guest Loretta Bacon
Three Things that Work for Me
- I have known about my ADD for almost twenty years and I have improved the way I deal with misperceptions (including my own) through assertiveness training, spiritual practice and not taking anything personally. Deepak Chopra's teaching about how to separate what is real from the unreal has been helpful. People are always protecting their "worldview" and if you are telling them something that falls outside of that, the majority will not or cannot hear you. If it is someone important like your boss, you can look for clues before talking about ADD. I recently had a boss who talked favorably about Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology and I never mentioned ADD to him and my assertiveness training helped me chose to disregard what he said in performance reviews. The book "Four Agreements" by Don Miquel Ruiz has a wonderful chapter about how not to take anything personally and move on...
- —molsof
Gets Frustrating Sometimes
- Dealing with teachers in private school to help my son in a positive manner, rather than giving F's for unfinished assignment or poor note taking can serve to be a bit challenging. I will continue to email teachers articles regarding ADHD and encourage positive reinforcers instead of simply giving the child an F for not staying on task. This is the key issue with kids who have ADHD and if we consider they're not mentally prepared. The frontal lobe doesn't completely develop in children, not until the age of 21 to 25. This means they will be impulsive and they won't consider the consequences because their brains are not fully functioning like that of an adult yet. I have to maintain a positive attitude because to some extent many people overcome ADHD and live successful lives. My son simply understands that school is difficult now. He's back on his medication but in the future college will not seem as complex. I know this for a fact, I proved it to myself! If I can do it so can he!
- —Guest SRosenberg
I SENT THEM THE VIDEO ADD & LOVING IT
- I have struggled all my life. When I saw the video ADD & Loving It, I cried, laughed and related to every aspect of it. To make it easier to explain myself and how my mind works, I e-mailed the video to everyone I know who loves me or likes me. I explained the importance for them to view the video. The video says it like it is. Now if I am told I just don’t try hard enough I am going to say, "Did you watch the video that I sent you? Watch the video again. It is obvious you didn’t understand it or perhaps you did not pay attention to the video and you need another viewing with better focus." And if that sounds harsh, so be it. I try hard to improve myself and others can’t take the time to sit and try to understand what it is like to have ADHD, then they have no business telling me their opinion since it is an uneducated one. None of my family or friends have seen it yet. Too busy or tired. So I am well armed in my response. Tired of explaining why.
- —pebaju
Who DOES Believe?
- I'm sorry to say that in my 2 or so years since diagnosis, I haven't met anyone who believes that I'm not just a big spaz; or that ADHD isn't "real." The few professionals I've met who DO believe can't seem to see outside a narrow-tunnel of what ADHD is or isn't; worse, they echo the same sentiments I grew up with "try harder" or "ADHD is not an excuse." So while we're helping people to believe in it, let's please make them put away their cookie cutters? My ADHD is NOT your ADHD; so drop the clichés and the blanket statements when you are working with clients or writing books, PLEASE? We're HUMANS with ADHD, not ROBOTS with ADHD -- although it would be better, as robots can't feel shame and frustration and fear and guilt and anger. Believe? Some days I'm not even sure I believe.
- —Guest Kat
Stop Making Excuses
- I struggle with this all the time. I have tried to explain my ADD to family, co-workers, and my manager. They just don't get it. I am perceived as lazy, stubborn, aggressive, blunt and I "refuse to accept that I have a problem." I say no, I have a disability that I am struggling to manage. I am told I am making excuses. This is so hurtful. In the workplace, it has reduced my raise and bonus as I only partially meet my job core function. In all other areas, I am a superstar. Business talks about diversity in the work place but it is only in terms of race and culture. There is no diversity for a disability let alone brain function.
- —Guest Lou
