From the article: Myths About ADHD
Do you ever struggle with people “not believing” in your (or your loved one’s) ADHD? How do you deal with the misperceptions and inaccuracies? Please share your experiences. Share Your Experiences
ADD
- I joke about it sometimes. Unfortunately, people don't seem to understand this. I seriously CANNOT pay attention in class. I get made fun of by certain teachers. They don't say it in a mean way, but at the same time it makes me want to cry because I would give so much to not have that issue like the other kids in my advanced class. I get told by my own parents that I'm not trying hard enough and that I am lazy, even though they took me to a psychologist to diagnose me with ADD. My twin sister has all A's and I have B's and A's and I spend way more time on homework than her. If I say anything about ADD my mom says I need to stop using it as an excuse. I'm taking meds so it's getting better, but it still would help if people would understand.
- —Guest Hannah
Just Diagnosed
- I have known I have ADD for years but only recently got diagnosed. My motivator was my boss telling me that there would be layoffs soon and it would be based on the volume of work done. I got diagnosed and was put on medication. I talked to my boss and explained to her that I have ADD. I told her my symptoms and that I was now receiving treatment. I also explained that it may take a while but with the meds and coping skills I'm learning she should see an improvement. It's been a few months now and she has mentioned the improvement to me...she sees how hard I'm working and that my "excuses" were real. A lot of people in my life don't believe right away so I tell them how life was before my diagnosis and how it's improved since. They all seem to understand or at least try to understand better now. Things are improving at work, at home, and in my family life. I think it takes honesty and patience and endless explaining to get people to listen, but I’m proof that it can work.
- —Guest Erin
Assertively Advocating for Your Child
- My son was told he would not graduate from Jr. High (they suspected laziness and drugs). While getting my son medical assistance I read everything I could on ADD coaching. I had to be assertive with his father about his need for medication (we are divorced and he is undiagnosed ADHD). In his freshman year I tried working with his counselor and she told me, "All our ADD students do just fine without extra assistance." We barely made it through his freshman year. Finally in my son's sophomore year I requested an IEP from the school, which changed the course of my son's life. His father agreed to let my son live with me during the full academic year so I could coach. Through all this I taught my son how to assertively advocate for himself. This quarter his report card came home with straight A's. From the bottom to the top there are many who do not believe in ADD/ADHD, but for those of us who do, we need to remember assertively advocating for ourselves and/or our child is key.
- —Guest Lisa Murphy
Find People Who Really Know ADHD
- I find it hard to cope with having children with ADHD but on top of that, I get very little support from others because the majority of people only know myths about ADHD. When people hear that we have children with ADHD, people say unhelpful but well intentioned comments. Such as, 'don't worry, people with ADHD do really well as adults,' and 'you grow out of that, though,' and 'at least you don't have a child with a disability.' This invalidates the real impact of ADHD. I think the only way to cope is to get together with others who experience ADHD first hand.
- —Guest Lucy
They Don't Get It!
- My son has been diagnosed with ADHD since the 3rd grade. He is now a 6th grader. When I meet with teachers, I can tell within the first 10-15 minutes whether they believe in ADHD. I choose to work with the teachers that understand it is not just a "behavior" problem. The others I ignore. Can't please everyone! I work with my son to help him understand that not everyone understands his condition and that's life. He will run into non-believers the rest of his life and that goes for just about anything not just ADHD!
- —Guest Loretta Bacon
Three Things that Work for Me
- I have known about my ADD for almost twenty years and I have improved the way I deal with misperceptions (including my own) through assertiveness training, spiritual practice and not taking anything personally. Deepak Chopra's teaching about how to separate what is real from the unreal has been helpful. People are always protecting their "worldview" and if you are telling them something that falls outside of that, the majority will not or cannot hear you. If it is someone important like your boss, you can look for clues before talking about ADD. I recently had a boss who talked favorably about Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology and I never mentioned ADD to him and my assertiveness training helped me chose to disregard what he said in performance reviews. The book "Four Agreements" by Don Miquel Ruiz has a wonderful chapter about how not to take anything personally and move on...
- —molsof
Gets Frustrating Sometimes
- Dealing with teachers in private school to help my son in a positive manner, rather than giving F's for unfinished assignment or poor note taking can serve to be a bit challenging. I will continue to email teachers articles regarding ADHD and encourage positive reinforcers instead of simply giving the child an F for not staying on task. This is the key issue with kids who have ADHD and if we consider they're not mentally prepared. The frontal lobe doesn't completely develop in children, not until the age of 21 to 25. This means they will be impulsive and they won't consider the consequences because their brains are not fully functioning like that of an adult yet. I have to maintain a positive attitude because to some extent many people overcome ADHD and live successful lives. My son simply understands that school is difficult now. He's back on his medication but in the future college will not seem as complex. I know this for a fact, I proved it to myself! If I can do it so can he!
- —Guest SRosenberg
ADD since 1999 and no ones cried BS...
- I was diagnosed in grade 2. My Mom says that she followed me around for a day back then and watched me stare at a test for 5 minutes, then turned it in blank. Needless to say I got better with meds and joined AP classes but the point is, when I was in primary my family worked with a lot of teachers and principles, all of which saw the difference from before and after the meds. Throughout my experience a lot of people were there with me. In college, I had told my friends that I have ADD. No one commented on it till they saw me off meds. Until someone asked if this was an ADHD thing, reminding them all that of my ADD, they all thought I was crazy. I don't think anyone doubted me again after that. In fact, I'm sure of it because any time I’m acting off I have to suffer through people probing me if I had taken my pill today. All I can say is through time and experience people will take ADD and ADHD as truths and not synonyms for lazy.
- —Guest Jocelynn
Other students
- I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 5. People always assumed I was dumb when I told them - which isn't true at all. They laugh at me because I talk way too fast, and I sometimes stutter. Some of my teachers even think I'm stupid. My IQ is 174, and my grades are a D-average because I'm forgetful. I always feel like I have to prove myself to get the respect I deserve. Some people think I can't comprehend what they say to me. It's so irritating, and they act like there is something wrong with me when I yell at them. My classes are also way too easy for me. I tried to get in the higher classes or get promoted to the level I'm actually on, but they didn't listen. They said that I still need more practice. I don't! I just forget my homework a lot. They completely ignored my test scores, which are very high. They always say I have to prove myself even more to get in the higher classes. Out of my experience, people with ADHD always have to prove themselves more than the average person.
- —Guest Tyler!:D
Finally hopeful
- When I first looked into ADHD my general practitioner informed me there was no way I could have it. I graduated in the Top Ten of my high school class and therefore it couldn’t be possible. After leaving her office in tears I thought about countless sleepless nights I endured. Up till 4AM trying to get homework done. Trying to cry and cut my worries away. Sensory overload and my awkward social interactions left me loveless and broken. Now I am 25 and my suspicions of ADHD and Anxiety have finally been confirmed. I start cognitive behavioral therapy and medication soon but I'm nervous. This chaos has been my life but it’s time to step out of the Matrix. Soon and very soon I will know Kung Fu! If you struggle with self-injury please know you’re not alone. I have long since turned to writing instead, thank God. Talk to an adult you trust and check out the Buslist. http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=33&t=96685 You are beautiful and deserve better
- —Guest Steph
It's True! I'm Not Alone!
- I'm one of those people that has a laundry list of diagnoses- ADHD, depression, asthma, allergies, PTSD, learning disabilities, anemia, and the like. I'm also one of those people who avoids conflict and rather than speak up, I don't say anything, and I take on way more responsibility than I should. Even though my other family members know all this, my parents make comments about my weight, treat me like I'm stupid, and constantly compare me to my siblings without this "stuff". They then tell me "everyone has problems". What's comforting is that in reading these stories, I know I'm not alone and that though the road is going to be rocky I'm still going to make it through. I make mistakes, but I still try to be a nice person, and having these "disadvantages" helps me to relate to all kinds of people and be a person they can talk to who "gets it". The road is going to be rocky, but I'm just going to have to be brave! We can do it!
- —Guest Guest EEG
They aren't LISTENing!
- I was diagnosed at 28, for once the homework assignments I cried over, painstakingly finishing at midnight only to forget them and the class book....it all made sense. My whole life made sense to me. I was so excited about having a name to my chaos, of lost car keys, shoes and disorganization I wanted to shout it out to the world. Hmm....the world was not as accepting. My parents scoffed and said, "those are things everyone does, you’re just lazy." The statements of their disbelief hurt my heart. I am often jokingly compared to Dori, from the Disney movie. Bubbly, and forgetful. However, ask me anything about American History and the social ramifications of today and I will wow you. Dating hasn't been much better, I tell a guy I have ADHD, and he's all understanding, except when it comes out,"you’re always interrupting me" or "did you hear what I said" or "you never remember anything." Learning about ADHD gives me more comfort. B/C the rest of the world isn't paying attention....
- —Guest MissADHDer
I can't bear it anymore
- I was never diagnosed with ADHD, but I suspected that I have it. My whole life would have made sense if I do have it. It is getting harder to cope with life as I grow older and I know I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I tried to tell my parents about it, but they just don’t understand. They said that it was my attitude problem, and that I don’t want to change, and don’t have enough determination to change. They blamed me for everything I did. Well, it sounded logical since u should be responsible for what u do. So I’m starting to doubt if I really do have ADHD or not :(
- —Guest brokendown
seek solace elsewhere
- I feel guilty about mentioning suicide in my last post, but I NEVER used to contemplate suicide, and now I do. So I think it's important to encourage people to seek some deeper foundation to sustain you into the later years, whatever that is. Don't depend on other people for approval, not even your best friends. My childhood friends accepted me, but as adults they became less patient when I didn't grow out of my quirks and pull my life together like they managed to do. For me, I believe in God but not in any intolerant fundamentalist kind of way; that plus the seeming infinite nature of things helps me keep perspective. No longer growing bigger and stronger but older and weaker, with doors still slamming in my face and those closest to me growing more distant, I see my world becoming smaller and less hopeful. Sure I have talents, but I also have trouble putting them to sufficient use to make my way in the world. The things that comfort youth differ from those in old age. Seek wisely.
- —Guest Scott
This is the WORST PART by far!
- ...and the most damaging. The looks of disbelief and disgust, the suspicion, the demands for explanation, the accusations of selfishness, of laziness, of "selective memory," of making excuses, from people most important to me, MY ENTIRE LIFE! And the violence. The primal urge to beat down anyone different. I still never know when or where some ape will take it upon himself to "teach me a lesson." I am now a bitter adult. I generally avoid people, because when they "find me out," the nightmare repeats. An invisible condition is a lifelong curse. PLEASE focus more on adults! Many wind up in deep trouble! I never know when some minute societal detail will screw me, and in adulthood, it's not a grade in school; it's a job, or a home, or a friendship. This is why, as the lonely years pile up, with only death promising an end in sight, suicide becomes inviting. I'm sorry to be a downer, but you asked. This really is the worst part by far.
- —Guest Scott
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