From the article: Improving Your Child’s Behavior With Positive Attention
Learning to pay positive attention to your child is very powerful, particularly for a child with ADHD who may often experience negative feedback. Sometimes it can be difficult, however, to find the positives -- especially if disruptive and oppositional behaviors are taking over at home. As a parent, you are the most important influence in your child’s life. Your positive attention is vital. Please help other parents by sharing your advice and tips for positive parenting. Share Your Tips
Listen
- As an ADHD parent of an ADHD son & a non-ADHD daughter, I have found one of the best things we can do for our kids is listen. Listen to their suggestions because sometimes you can stop at the park for 10 minutes and have a try at mastering the monkey bars instead of going home to do laundry. Listen to what happened at school. Give your child your undivided attention. Put the TV on mute and look at your child the same way you expect them to look at you when you're talking to them. Ask your child questions - Who did you play with today? What are you learning at school? What do you want for lunch? Kids like to know that you pay attention to them, that you care enough to let them make some decisions and by doing this I think it shows you value them as human beings. My daughter is 10 and we've started on the pre-teen drama fights (the "you never listen to me" fights) but now I stop and listen to what she says, so when I overrule her I can point out times when she was heard and got her way.
- —cathyincayman
Many Thanx on the Great Suggestions
- I am a mother of two daughters the elder is going to be 8 yrs in Feb, the younger is 2.8 yrs old. I have constant problems with the elder child. I keep nagging her for her handwriting and sometimes she does not complete her work at school. I am a little strict because I myself was like her in school. I don’t want her to end up like me, so I am strict with her studies. To top it all my hubby is also strict. I worry that I will ruin my child's future. I know that I am wrong but sometimes when I try my best to be nice she starts to act cranky and irritable and once again I loose my cool. The thing is if I am strict she listens to me better than when I tell her something lovingly. I really need some help to help my child to grow in a positive way. These tips and guidelines are really good and I will try to follow them to really make a change in our lives. Thanks!
- —Guest vimala
Proactively Seeking Positives
- After my son went through several dismal years in school, barely passing, always in trouble, and feeling defeated, I swallowed MY pride and asked if he could be taught in the Emotional Support classroom. It was the best decision I have ever made as a parent! He receives one-on-one attention, constant positive reinforcement, and individual counseling when he needs it. It has made all the difference in the world! He is a different child. We always found positives, such as "That's great that you stood up for John today so the other kids didn't pick on him." "Today I spoke with Mrs. Doe who told me how much you are improving. Congratulations on your hard work!" or "Today might not have been the best, but I know you are gonna ROCK tomorrow!!" When a child hears the constant negatives, which is common in today’s classroom if they do not conform, they will become what they are told they are. It is up to us as parents to not allow that to happen. We must be in their corner.
- —Guest GotChoc
Positive Tips for ADHD
- We bought a piano. No one has had lessons but I modeled sitting at the piano if I was angry or frustrated or feeling lost (I have ADHD, too). Afterwards, whether the kids were within ear-shot or not, I made a point of announcing that I felt good after playing with the keys. Eventually I noticed my kids, especially my son with ADHD - who would previously come home frustrated from school and ask, "Can we go to Walmart?" - now sitting at the piano and relieving his stress there. I will not become involved - other than to very occasionally say "those notes sound nice together."
- —Guest Helen
Positive Attention Works
- Whenever you start to respond to your child with a negative (to admonish or correct), make a positive comment first. "I like how you are trying to fly like an airplane, but it's not appropriate to jump off of furniture;" or "I know you have something really important to say. Please say excuse me and wait until I look at you before you start speaking;" or "I like how you're looking at the beautiful birds, but it's never OK to hang on the curtains." Help them to find a positive way to accomplish what they're trying to do or say. It's way better than yelling at or constantly correcting our kids.
- —AlwaysSharing
