Being a parent is tough; being a parent with ADD raises the toughness factor! It can be overwhelming to manage and organize the family when you are having a hard time organizing your own life. If your child has ADD, your need to create structure and organizational strategies increases two-fold. What are the additional challenges of having ADD and parenting?
Increased Potential for Chaos and Fun
“If your child has ADD, there’s a pretty good chance that you have ADD, too. ADD is highly inheritable,” notes Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, Ph.D., counselor, ADHD expert, and author of 10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADD and Making the Grade with ADD. “When you combine two (or more) people with ADD under one roof, the potential for chaos increases exponentially. It can be difficult helping your child get ready in the morning while you are still trying to find your car keys!”
Despite this potential for greater confusion and disorganization at home, Sarkis emphasizes that the potential for fun also increases when you have more than one person with ADD in the family. One point she makes very clear to her ADD clients who are also parents: You need to take care of yourself first before you can effectively take care of anyone else.
Consistency, Consistency, Consistency
The number one way to help your days run more smoothly is to be consistent. This can be a challenge when you (and your child) have ADD. “Setting up a schedule works wonders. Also remember to praise much more than you criticize,” says Sarkis, who recommends a praise/criticism ratio of at least 6 to 1. This means that you need to praise your child at least six times for every one time you criticize. A positive approach is always more effective, so catch your child being good.
Mornings will run more smoothly if you plan ahead for the next day. On school days, pack lunches the night before, help your child select an outfit for the next day and lay out every item of clothing including shoes and accessories. Help your child pack his backpack and put it in a designated spot near your front door or door to the garage.
Additionally, Sarkis advises that parents post a clearly written sign on the bathroom mirror that lists what the child needs to do to get ready in the morning such as brush teeth or wash face. “If your child takes medication, use a pill organizer and put it in a visible location. Make sure you either see your child take their medication or check the pill container before your child leaves for the day.” Because transitions can sometimes be difficult for children with ADD, Sarkis also suggests giving a 10-minute warning before it is time to go out the door.
Practical Strategies for Parents with ADHD
Parenting A Non-ADD Child
“When an ADD parent is raising a non-ADD child, there is a potential for frustration, both for the parent and the child,” says Sarkis. Often times the non-ADD child ends up taking on more of a parent role, picking up the responsibilities that the ADD parent may have more difficulty managing. As a parent, it is important to be aware of this tendency and avoid relying on your child too much for help with reminders and organization.
Parenting An ADD Child
Though your child may be a certain age numerically, ADD children are often at a developmental stage a few years younger than their age indicates. It is helpful for parents to keep this in mind. Additionally, Sarkis reminds parents that it is important to remember the difference between “can’t” and “won’t.” “Many times, it is not that your child doesn’t want to listen to you -– it’s that they just can’t.
“Parenting can be one of life’s most rewarding and most frustrating experiences. When you have a child with ADD, those experiences are magnified,” notes Sarkis. “The most important thing is to focus on how much you and your child love each other, and remember that you are in this together –- you are a team.”
Source:
Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, PhD. Personal correspondence/interview. 07, May 2008.
