First of all, try not to be so hard on yourself. Parenting a child with ADHD can be very challenging – and that is actually a major understatement. It can be an exhausting, stressful, frustrating experience when your child is struggling to manage the disruptive symptoms that often come along with ADHD and on some days you may want to disappear to an isolated island just to get some rest!
That you can see the situation clearly after the fact is a good. It is easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment when things feel so emotional. Because you are aware of what is going on, you can make plans about how to address such situations in the future. This will allow you to be more thoughful, less reactive in responding. In other words, you can plan your response ahead of time.
Know that kids with ADHD are often very good button pushers. They often seek stimulation and getting a reaction from others can be stimulating. I know this is easier said than done, but try not to take the behaviors personally. By responding in a composed and calm way in these situations and avoiding any type of power struggle, you can better work with your child to provide more positive, productive outlets for him.
It is also very helpful to try to get a handle on what triggers your child’s provoking behaviors. Are there times of day that tend to be more difficult for him? Perhaps there are activities that create more stress and frustration. Homework is often a difficult time for kids with ADHD, for example. Transition times or times where there is less certainty and more unpredictability can be tough, as well. Becoming more aware of your child’s specific triggers can be a big help because then you can intervene early and provide redirection and support before things unravel and get too chaotic and unmanageable.
Also, remember that it is okay to take a break or a “time out” yourself when you need it. If you are uncertain about how to respond, let your child know that you will discuss the issue later that day when you are feeling calmer and more relaxed and can think through the most appropriate consequence.
Rather than your son losing the privilege of riding his bike – which is wonderful exercise and very helpful for kids with ADHD – you may want to think through alternative consequences. Perhaps the loss of computer time or TV time might be other options. And even more effective than losing privileges is earning special privileges and motivating rewards for positive behaviors.
