“Does anyone seem to say the wrong thing to someone, realize it later, way after it's too late, and then feel stupid about it for days afterward? How do you recover?” --About.com UserPlease help others by sharing your experiences, feelings, and tips for dealing with verbal impulsivity. Share Your Experiences
On Verbal Impulsivity
- I've been working on waiting for a few seconds before blurting out with what I think I have to say or before butting into conversations I overhear. But I don't have much success with it, and even as I know "now I'm doing it again" I just can't seem to stop myself. I have slight success if I take a very determined decision to not say anything at all. I've even managed to be quiet for up to 1 hour, but the moment I give in (which I usually do) the whole card house falls apart and I'm soon dominating the whole scene as always. But, there is one kind of situation where I am slowly getting better hold of things: Written debates. I have made a common rule of forcing my attention elsewhere for a while, and sometimes I've found I didn't need to reply after all. Best of all, it gives me time to prepare a better reply. Yet, it's only possible because I am on medication (Concerta). I'm 52 yrs old and was diagnosed 2 years ago. A wasted early life indeed. Good luck!... :)
- —Guest Jean
Saying Things Without Thinking
- I wish I knew a way to go on auto-pilot long enough to think about what I'm about to blurt. It's not only when I'm in conversation with someone, but also when I overhear someone else's conversation and chirp in with an answer. That's even worse!! I have, after much embarrassment, learned to just stop a minute - especially when I am feeling especially engaged in a conversation - and think about what I am about to say, but sometimes even that is not enough. Oh well - we're all human and if we can remember that the other person has their own flubs, it helps to keep perspective.
- —Guest Wendy
- I'm 52 and have known I have ADD for only 2 years now. I blurt out stuff all the time and always have. Most often it seems to be personal information that while true is way too revealing most of the time. Or I just talk non-stop rapidly. I have not yet been able to get a handle on my blurts, but maybe I’m getting a little better as I’m going out on a first date tonight. I haven't been on a date for years. My neighbor gave me a yellow rubber band to put around my wrist to snap to remind me to not dominate the conversation. Although, I do tend to crack myself up. So now my mind says to tell my date, if she asks what the band is, I’d like to respond that I didn't want to pay a dollar for a Lance Armstrong plastic band, so settled for a rubber band! I figure that if I can remember I may be snapping that band nonstop. I wonder if I do snap too often what her reaction might be which leads me to more funny thoughts on how I could respond. I'm now realizing that this has been a blurt, too!
- Unfortunately, I usually know when I have blurted out something as a shocked look is on another person in the room and a lot of back tracking is needed. Before I was diagnosed I thought the shocked person was not understanding me so, of course, I would follow with an explanation. I now know after blurting out that it is me who has created a new situation and I apologize and ask the people in the room to please continue as they were then I would like to speak. On another situation I totally said the wrong thing concerning someone’s death. Too late to take back and I punished myself for months after. I am known for being funny, but my response was totally inappropriate. How does one get over it? I didn’t, but now I hear the words death, funeral, etc. and it makes me pause even though I want to speak. These people do not wish to share their lives with me and who can blame them. I minimized their grief by blurting out. Good Luck to you and me.
- —Guest Moonkwean
OOPS - SORRY
- Well, I have many times said things that were not meant to be said e.g. about their weight. In my defense I was being honest but brutal to hear according to them. I have now learned the art of being artfully untruthful, so that they are happy for people don’t want to hear the brutal truth. How to live with it after being said? Well, to my way of thinking I was honest so I lived with it fine and when the other people got upset, well, they knew that they would always get an honest answer from me. I think if you apologize and let them know that you have this habit of being honest and if they are your friends they will understand. I do realize though after years that it’s best just to tell half truths when it involves them personally. And ask yourself what you would like to hear if you were in their shoes. If you can’t handle the brutal truth then that’s your answer.
- —Guest monica- Durban
- The subject of not finding the right words to express what you want is my biggest bugaboo. Many times in trying to find the right word, I say the wrong ones. Then I sound shallow or stupid. I'm a 65 yr. old woman who is also a nurse. This problem seems to have become noticeable in the last ten years. I also do things or blurt out something inappropriate at the moment. I've started withdrawing from some social circles just to prevent embarrassment. Funny thing is, during my nursing years I never did this. I was told by one employer that I was his best PR but that I made so many mistakes in writing down treatment numbers that I was losing money for him. He didn't fire me, but I felt so bad about myself, I changed jobs. Why would like to know if others found themselves blurting more as they age. Thanks, Gail (Lefty)
- —Guest 06108345
- I am a 16 year old female who has struggled with ADHD my whole life. I seem to struggle with laughing at inappropriate times - it sucks really bad because I don’t mean to. As for blurting out, I do it way too often. As a matter of fact, I tend to hurt people’s feelings when I do... since I don’t realize what I am doing until after I have done it.
- —Guest Moriah Ford-Gowan
For What It Is Worth...
- I have learned that "it is better to be kind than to be right" very late in life. Best, Penelope
I find problem in saying things
- I find problems in saying things and find it much easier to write to someone about how I feel esp. when I feel extremely bothered. When I am angry either my talking goes out of control to a point where there is no turning back or I don't say it at all until I implode.
- —Guest Shiv Chaturvedi
Lunch gone bad
- Today at lunch me and my girlfriend were eating lunch when somebody in the hallway screamed something and i was going to say "yea, Carlyn!" to agree to what they were saying to my girlfriend, instead i blurted out "yea, Michele!" who is my ex girlfriend. This made me look really bad, and i can't understand why i said her name instead. When i did say it i really wasn't thinking about anything, and i surprised myself. My girlfriend does not believe that it means nothing, and i am now in a pretty bad situation with her. I now understand that it has something to do with my ADHD.
- —Guest Ryan Fleming
That's Not What I Meant!
- I have recently been diagnosed with a handful of medical issues at 35. One side effect of more than one of these is brain fog. But that doesn't quite explain why all this crap comes out of my mouth and I don't know where it came from. Someone has to have a remote controlling this, or I am living two lives simultaneously. One in my brain and the other my speach. After 2 blowouts with my boss today I looked to the trusty internet and found this. DATADA! Add ADD to my resume! Unfortunately for me, I am a performer/entertainer. When things don't go as planned under my watch I try to explain them using all the wrong words. She is losing confidence in me for sure. After 13 years I am good at what I do but she thinks I'm a complete idiot and has to question my position. My job is under scrutiny in the news and any mishap on my part could effect the whole industry. I avoid interviews, guest interactions knowing that my mouth is way ahead of my brain. At least now I can blame ADD. This sucks
- —Guest Word vomit
- I'm 27 yrs old and I have add and adhd. I totally feel this I am impulsive. And I blurt out inappropriate comments to conversations ppl take it as i'm immature but i'm not. I can't help it. I've been struggling with these disabilities for my whole life and it's so hard to live with it
- —Guest jenn
- According to my I.Q level and social standing I am expected to act in certain ways. Unfortunately due to impulsive behavior, I have found myself doing the most random of acts that I would most certainly disagree with and condemn. Looking at my life in third person, I often find it amusing, and sometimes my actions give me heart burn. No idea if I am ADD or not, a doctor once told me that I might be, I took the test years ago but never went back to receive the results; I think that was due to losing interest in the matter.
- —Guest You are what you are, and so am I
Saying things w/o thinking
- I have known I had ADD my whole life and I even tried to get help for it once but because I am a recovering alcoholic my doctor did not want to give me any medicine for it. I recently graduated from college as a Surgical Technologist, a profession that requires complete focus and organization. I have trouble paying attention and focussing on a single task at a time. I can do it but it takes me a lot longer than the other CST's and I find myself doing 10 things at once and never finishing any of them or if I do it is in such a hap hazarard way it is noticeable. This causes me to become very anxious and make stupid errors or say things I regret to cover it up. I seem to be going to the wrong doctors all they do is give me anti anxiety medicine that puts me to sleep or anti depressants that don't seem to work for me.
- —Guest Mary S
Wow, it is not just me
- I'm in trouble again. I must speak with the Dean on Monday. A professor complained about my blurting things out in class. At 44 I feel like such a complete idiot. I want to hide and cry. How can I be in the top 1% intellectually & not able to shut my stupid mouth when need to? I feel utterly cursed. I'm so ashamed. I'm so sick of destroying everything because I cannot keep quiet. I tried the Ritalin and it made me feel numb, like a zombie. I drink coffee in the morning but it often puts me to sleep if I try it in the afternoon. I cannot say I am glad to see so many other people dealing with this horrible thing. I just wish there was a way to keep my mouth from opening and words from coming out. I wish I was not me. I find that I overcompensate and try to be super giving to people I meet because that is the only way they'll stay my friend. So I end up cutting off parasites. I have heard that strenuous exercise each day can help. I think duct tape might be better though.
- —Guest Amazed