“Does anyone seem to say the wrong thing to someone, realize it later, way after it's too late, and then feel stupid about it for days afterward? How do you recover?” --About.com UserPlease help others by sharing your experiences, feelings, and tips for dealing with verbal impulsivity. Share Your Experiences
On Verbal Impulsivity
- I've been working on waiting for a few seconds before blurting out with what I think I have to say or before butting into conversations I overhear. But I don't have much success with it, and even as I know "now I'm doing it again" I just can't seem to stop myself. I have slight success if I take a very determined decision to not say anything at all. I've even managed to be quiet for up to 1 hour, but the moment I give in (which I usually do) the whole card house falls apart and I'm soon dominating the whole scene as always. But, there is one kind of situation where I am slowly getting better hold of things: Written debates. I have made a common rule of forcing my attention elsewhere for a while, and sometimes I've found I didn't need to reply after all. Best of all, it gives me time to prepare a better reply. Yet, it's only possible because I am on medication (Concerta). I'm 52 yrs old and was diagnosed 2 years ago. A wasted early life indeed. Good luck!... :)
- —Guest Jean
Saying Things Without Thinking
- I wish I knew a way to go on auto-pilot long enough to think about what I'm about to blurt. It's not only when I'm in conversation with someone, but also when I overhear someone else's conversation and chirp in with an answer. That's even worse!! I have, after much embarrassment, learned to just stop a minute - especially when I am feeling especially engaged in a conversation - and think about what I am about to say, but sometimes even that is not enough. Oh well - we're all human and if we can remember that the other person has their own flubs, it helps to keep perspective.
- —Guest Wendy
- I'm 52 and have known I have ADD for only 2 years now. I blurt out stuff all the time and always have. Most often it seems to be personal information that while true is way too revealing most of the time. Or I just talk non-stop rapidly. I have not yet been able to get a handle on my blurts, but maybe I’m getting a little better as I’m going out on a first date tonight. I haven't been on a date for years. My neighbor gave me a yellow rubber band to put around my wrist to snap to remind me to not dominate the conversation. Although, I do tend to crack myself up. So now my mind says to tell my date, if she asks what the band is, I’d like to respond that I didn't want to pay a dollar for a Lance Armstrong plastic band, so settled for a rubber band! I figure that if I can remember I may be snapping that band nonstop. I wonder if I do snap too often what her reaction might be which leads me to more funny thoughts on how I could respond. I'm now realizing that this has been a blurt, too!
- Unfortunately, I usually know when I have blurted out something as a shocked look is on another person in the room and a lot of back tracking is needed. Before I was diagnosed I thought the shocked person was not understanding me so, of course, I would follow with an explanation. I now know after blurting out that it is me who has created a new situation and I apologize and ask the people in the room to please continue as they were then I would like to speak. On another situation I totally said the wrong thing concerning someone’s death. Too late to take back and I punished myself for months after. I am known for being funny, but my response was totally inappropriate. How does one get over it? I didn’t, but now I hear the words death, funeral, etc. and it makes me pause even though I want to speak. These people do not wish to share their lives with me and who can blame them. I minimized their grief by blurting out. Good Luck to you and me.
- —Guest Moonkwean
OOPS - SORRY
- Well, I have many times said things that were not meant to be said e.g. about their weight. In my defense I was being honest but brutal to hear according to them. I have now learned the art of being artfully untruthful, so that they are happy for people don’t want to hear the brutal truth. How to live with it after being said? Well, to my way of thinking I was honest so I lived with it fine and when the other people got upset, well, they knew that they would always get an honest answer from me. I think if you apologize and let them know that you have this habit of being honest and if they are your friends they will understand. I do realize though after years that it’s best just to tell half truths when it involves them personally. And ask yourself what you would like to hear if you were in their shoes. If you can’t handle the brutal truth then that’s your answer.
- —Guest monica- Durban
- The subject of not finding the right words to express what you want is my biggest bugaboo. Many times in trying to find the right word, I say the wrong ones. Then I sound shallow or stupid. I'm a 65 yr. old woman who is also a nurse. This problem seems to have become noticeable in the last ten years. I also do things or blurt out something inappropriate at the moment. I've started withdrawing from some social circles just to prevent embarrassment. Funny thing is, during my nursing years I never did this. I was told by one employer that I was his best PR but that I made so many mistakes in writing down treatment numbers that I was losing money for him. He didn't fire me, but I felt so bad about myself, I changed jobs. Why would like to know if others found themselves blurting more as they age. Thanks, Gail (Lefty)
- —Guest 06108345
- I am a 16 year old female who has struggled with ADHD my whole life. I seem to struggle with laughing at inappropriate times - it sucks really bad because I don’t mean to. As for blurting out, I do it way too often. As a matter of fact, I tend to hurt people’s feelings when I do... since I don’t realize what I am doing until after I have done it.
- —Guest Moriah Ford-Gowan
For What It Is Worth...
- I have learned that "it is better to be kind than to be right" very late in life. Best, Penelope
I am a teacher and I am learning so much
- I have learned so much by reading this website...I liked the fact that someone wrote that chewing gum helps them focus I will think before I tell another student to throw away their gum...
tears of sympathy
- Right now I'm beating myself up once again. I'm 60yrs old and still manage to unintentionally upset, hurt or say the wrong thing. I hate myself mostly.why do I say these things. At least I now know others are unfortunatley the same.
- —Guest kev the rev
Why do I always focus on the wrong stuff
- I have a horrible habit of jumping to conclusions and saying things I don't necessarily mean. I've lost an extremely close friend because I always take what she says and twists it into something about me. I try not to, but I always seem to sneak a horrible response in, and I ALWAYS find myself apologizing for it later. Well, I think I lost her friendship for good now because I can't seem to stop and control my first initial responses. She really meant the world to me but I lost it all now because of my stupidity. I do have ADHD. I was tested and diagnosed it about 2 years ago. I just wish I could think before I speak and learn to listen better.
- —Guest Clark
What am i saying?
- Im not sure if i'm diagnosed with ADD or ADHD but, it seems that I am better in writing than speaking. I never make sense. Words just spill out of my mouth with no order and a person finds it hard to understand and it creates awkward moments. I have done what I can to improve by reading books out loud to myself and exercising my jaws and my mouth muscles but, its not working...
- —Guest I'm me
I felt alone for a while..
- Sometimes it gets so hard for me to just let things flow and not observe and analyze every little thing that people do around me.. For once in my life i would love to stop having non stop conversation with myself in my head and just fully apply myself to real life... Where you live more and think less... This problem of mine has ruined countless friendships.. And worst of all might cause the love of my life to walk away from me.. Because he's tired of trying with someone who can't seem to overcome what's happening in her own head... Sometimes i just cry.. Because i feel so much pain because i see what im doing.. And i want to stop yet i feel trapped and it naturally happens.. Idk.. If im the only one with this specific problem.. Though i dont wish it on anyone.. It would be nice to not feel alone at feeling like my own worst enemy.. Its ruining me inside and out.. I have so much to offer.. But this holds me back and haunts me forever..
- —Guest Guest J
Son with ADHD
- My son has ADHD and is constantly getting in trouble with his teachers - he simply cannot sit next to another kid in school without talking to them. When we're at home working on his homework he can't stay on task because anything that pops into his mind causes him to stop and start a conversation with me on an un-related topic. By the end of the evening I'm so exhausted by the constant stream of talking that I finally just tell him to be quiet and then he gets upset with me for "not listening to him." We've been to therapists, he's on Concerta, we've tried Strattera and some natural remedies. I have no idea what to do next. He forgets to write down assignments in class, hands them in late, misses lectures because he can't shut up and pay attention - I'm at wits end.
I need help
- I find myself in the state where i am ruining my and my fiance's relationship. I always say or do things without thinking and she is getting to her last straw with it. I can't help it. I think she knows i can't help it, but she is getting sick of the excuse "i can't help it." I have tried taking natural stuff for it but it hasn't helped much if any. I don't have any insurance so i can't afford to go anywhere. Its ruining my life and i just want to get better, and make it work for me and my fiancé.
- —Guest tchavous92