From the article: Improve Relationships by Decreasing Verbal Impulses
Verbally impulsive responses – saying things or blurting out words without thinking through how they may be perceived – are a common symptom of ADHD. Unfortunately, this can create feelings of embarrassment and regret, as one About.com reader has experienced:
“Does anyone seem to say the wrong thing to someone, realize it later, way after it's too late, and then feel stupid about it for days afterward? How do you recover?” --About.com User
Please help others by sharing your experiences, feelings, and tips for dealing with verbal impulsivity. Share Your ExperiencesOn Verbal Impulsivity
- I've been working on waiting for a few seconds before blurting out with what I think I have to say or before butting into conversations I overhear. But I don't have much success with it, and even as I know "now I'm doing it again" I just can't seem to stop myself. I have slight success if I take a very determined decision to not say anything at all. I've even managed to be quiet for up to 1 hour, but the moment I give in (which I usually do) the whole card house falls apart and I'm soon dominating the whole scene as always. But, there is one kind of situation where I am slowly getting better hold of things: Written debates. I have made a common rule of forcing my attention elsewhere for a while, and sometimes I've found I didn't need to reply after all. Best of all, it gives me time to prepare a better reply. Yet, it's only possible because I am on medication (Concerta). I'm 52 yrs old and was diagnosed 2 years ago. A wasted early life indeed. Good luck!... :)
- —Guest Jean
Saying Things Without Thinking
- I wish I knew a way to go on auto-pilot long enough to think about what I'm about to blurt. It's not only when I'm in conversation with someone, but also when I overhear someone else's conversation and chirp in with an answer. That's even worse!! I have, after much embarrassment, learned to just stop a minute - especially when I am feeling especially engaged in a conversation - and think about what I am about to say, but sometimes even that is not enough. Oh well - we're all human and if we can remember that the other person has their own flubs, it helps to keep perspective.
- —Guest Wendy
My Blurts
- I'm 52 and have known I have ADD for only 2 years now. I blurt out stuff all the time and always have. Most often it seems to be personal information that while true is way too revealing most of the time. Or I just talk non-stop rapidly. I have not yet been able to get a handle on my blurts, but maybe I’m getting a little better as I’m going out on a first date tonight. I haven't been on a date for years. My neighbor gave me a yellow rubber band to put around my wrist to snap to remind me to not dominate the conversation. Although, I do tend to crack myself up. So now my mind says to tell my date, if she asks what the band is, I’d like to respond that I didn't want to pay a dollar for a Lance Armstrong plastic band, so settled for a rubber band! I figure that if I can remember I may be snapping that band nonstop. I wonder if I do snap too often what her reaction might be which leads me to more funny thoughts on how I could respond. I'm now realizing that this has been a blurt, too!
- —RDBCUSTOM
Blurting Out
- Unfortunately, I usually know when I have blurted out something as a shocked look is on another person in the room and a lot of back tracking is needed. Before I was diagnosed I thought the shocked person was not understanding me so, of course, I would follow with an explanation. I now know after blurting out that it is me who has created a new situation and I apologize and ask the people in the room to please continue as they were then I would like to speak. On another situation I totally said the wrong thing concerning someone’s death. Too late to take back and I punished myself for months after. I am known for being funny, but my response was totally inappropriate. How does one get over it? I didn’t, but now I hear the words death, funeral, etc. and it makes me pause even though I want to speak. These people do not wish to share their lives with me and who can blame them. I minimized their grief by blurting out. Good Luck to you and me.
- —Guest Moonkwean
OOPS - SORRY
- Well, I have many times said things that were not meant to be said e.g. about their weight. In my defense I was being honest but brutal to hear according to them. I have now learned the art of being artfully untruthful, so that they are happy for people don’t want to hear the brutal truth. How to live with it after being said? Well, to my way of thinking I was honest so I lived with it fine and when the other people got upset, well, they knew that they would always get an honest answer from me. I think if you apologize and let them know that you have this habit of being honest and if they are your friends they will understand. I do realize though after years that it’s best just to tell half truths when it involves them personally. And ask yourself what you would like to hear if you were in their shoes. If you can’t handle the brutal truth then that’s your answer.
- —Guest monica- Durban
Lefty
- The subject of not finding the right words to express what you want is my biggest bugaboo. Many times in trying to find the right word, I say the wrong ones. Then I sound shallow or stupid. I'm a 65 yr. old woman who is also a nurse. This problem seems to have become noticeable in the last ten years. I also do things or blurt out something inappropriate at the moment. I've started withdrawing from some social circles just to prevent embarrassment. Funny thing is, during my nursing years I never did this. I was told by one employer that I was his best PR but that I made so many mistakes in writing down treatment numbers that I was losing money for him. He didn't fire me, but I felt so bad about myself, I changed jobs. Why would like to know if others found themselves blurting more as they age. Thanks, Gail (Lefty)
- —Guest 06108345
TOO MUCH
- I am a 16 year old female who has struggled with ADHD my whole life. I seem to struggle with laughing at inappropriate times - it sucks really bad because I don’t mean to. As for blurting out, I do it way too often. As a matter of fact, I tend to hurt people’s feelings when I do... since I don’t realize what I am doing until after I have done it.
- —Guest Moriah Ford-Gowan
For What It Is Worth...
- I have learned that "it is better to be kind than to be right" very late in life. Best, Penelope
- —Penelope03
Thank God for my meds!
- Before I started on Adderall, I was a mess. The medication, most of the time, helps me to reign in any impulsive remarks before I blurt one out. I'm 50, have been on Adderall for 4 years and just recently noticed some of the past behaviors re-emerging even while on medication. After doing some research, I believe that menopause (including pre and post) can cause the symptoms to return with a vengeance due to low estrogen levels. I have not yet discussed the estrogen issue with my doctor. I strongly recommend doing so before changing any part of your treatment plan.
- —Guest Liz
I dont know whats wrong with me
- I'm 44 years old and all my life I been told that i have no filter. Out of nowhere I'll belch out curse words and people ask what's wrong. I reply with I forgot this or that but in my mind I'm thinking of something I said or did in the past that was inappropriate. At parties I do dominate and take over. I am funny but i don't know when to stop or what not to say. Everything is game it doesn't matter if I am at a funeral or telling my mother something that is not appropriate. I have alienated myself from every one. I have never been diagnosed with anything, because I havent gone to a doctor. I feel there are a couple things wrong with me. I dont know where to start. The belching out words is one, and not having a filter is another. After reading all your stories I believe I fit this. Who do I go to? Where do I start? Thanks everyone for sharing.
- —Guest Angel
I didn't mean to...
- There are times where I will get worked up over something so trivial and blurt out what i'm thinking without a single thought of what my boyfriend might feel about it. It sucks because every time I do this it always leads me feeling like I'm always doing something wrong. ADHD runs in my family and I always get the feeling that I have a little bit of it in me, but the more and more I listen and observe myself I find it may be that I really do have it.
- —Guest Troublemaker
D:
- Oh yeah, recognize this one. Not sure if I've got ADD or not, even though experts have played with the possibility in the past. I do tend to talk on the autopilot though, I just keep on japping, without putting a second of thought into it. Most of the time this leads to decent - if not a bit shallow conversation - but sometimes, I blurt out complete nonsense. I also suffer from what appears to be self inflicted brain fog, which does quite the opposite to me. Everything I say has a lot of thought put into it, even though thinking is hard.
- —Guest Igor
Yeah...
- I tend to talk a lot. And, from time to time, while I am in general a 'good conversationalist' but I screw up, obviously. Screwed up today and insulted my best friend and colleague hands down. That's when I remember, I need to think and shut up a little more, but I never do. I never do.
- —Guest Aaron
saying things with out thinking first
- i am a 38 year old female. i am a real talkative individual. and my boyfriend gets upset with me, when i say stuff with out thinking, and it usually gets me in trouble and leads to arguments and i get told that i am self centered and not thinking of how he feels, when he gets up in the morning or when he gets home from work, and i am told that my parents never taught me how to think before i speak. and when i am told these things it usually leads to me in tears. and i am told that if i don't get a handle on it that i have to pack my stuff and leave. i am realizing now that i have to get a handle on this or i will lose my boyfriend :(
- —Guest elizabeth
In shame and regret
- I am a hairdresser and i talk to people all the time and usually am very friendly and good with people. However sometimes a client would say something which pissed me off , i react straight away. I have gotten in trouble for it with the owner and managers and i feel so ashamed even though i was right , customers are always right as they say. This lady's hair i was about to cut asked me how long i had been hairdressing and in response i asked her back why she asked me that, because i felt she was questioning my ability... I gave her an awesome haircut and she was happy, but later she made an official complaint against me saying i was rude to her and made it sound 30 times worse. I am so upset now because i feel everyone at work is looking down at me. If only i had just answered the lady saying 12 years nothing would have happened... But the lady seemed judgmental and calculative so i asked her back why she asked me that, and she has got me into so much trouble for that. I feel so down.
- —Guest Veronica
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