“Does anyone seem to say the wrong thing to someone, realize it later, way after it's too late, and then feel stupid about it for days afterward? How do you recover?” --About.com UserPlease help others by sharing your experiences, feelings, and tips for dealing with verbal impulsivity. Share Your Experiences
On Verbal Impulsivity
- I've been working on waiting for a few seconds before blurting out with what I think I have to say or before butting into conversations I overhear. But I don't have much success with it, and even as I know "now I'm doing it again" I just can't seem to stop myself. I have slight success if I take a very determined decision to not say anything at all. I've even managed to be quiet for up to 1 hour, but the moment I give in (which I usually do) the whole card house falls apart and I'm soon dominating the whole scene as always. But, there is one kind of situation where I am slowly getting better hold of things: Written debates. I have made a common rule of forcing my attention elsewhere for a while, and sometimes I've found I didn't need to reply after all. Best of all, it gives me time to prepare a better reply. Yet, it's only possible because I am on medication (Concerta). I'm 52 yrs old and was diagnosed 2 years ago. A wasted early life indeed. Good luck!... :)
- —Guest Jean
Saying Things Without Thinking
- I wish I knew a way to go on auto-pilot long enough to think about what I'm about to blurt. It's not only when I'm in conversation with someone, but also when I overhear someone else's conversation and chirp in with an answer. That's even worse!! I have, after much embarrassment, learned to just stop a minute - especially when I am feeling especially engaged in a conversation - and think about what I am about to say, but sometimes even that is not enough. Oh well - we're all human and if we can remember that the other person has their own flubs, it helps to keep perspective.
- —Guest Wendy
- I'm 52 and have known I have ADD for only 2 years now. I blurt out stuff all the time and always have. Most often it seems to be personal information that while true is way too revealing most of the time. Or I just talk non-stop rapidly. I have not yet been able to get a handle on my blurts, but maybe I’m getting a little better as I’m going out on a first date tonight. I haven't been on a date for years. My neighbor gave me a yellow rubber band to put around my wrist to snap to remind me to not dominate the conversation. Although, I do tend to crack myself up. So now my mind says to tell my date, if she asks what the band is, I’d like to respond that I didn't want to pay a dollar for a Lance Armstrong plastic band, so settled for a rubber band! I figure that if I can remember I may be snapping that band nonstop. I wonder if I do snap too often what her reaction might be which leads me to more funny thoughts on how I could respond. I'm now realizing that this has been a blurt, too!
- Unfortunately, I usually know when I have blurted out something as a shocked look is on another person in the room and a lot of back tracking is needed. Before I was diagnosed I thought the shocked person was not understanding me so, of course, I would follow with an explanation. I now know after blurting out that it is me who has created a new situation and I apologize and ask the people in the room to please continue as they were then I would like to speak. On another situation I totally said the wrong thing concerning someone’s death. Too late to take back and I punished myself for months after. I am known for being funny, but my response was totally inappropriate. How does one get over it? I didn’t, but now I hear the words death, funeral, etc. and it makes me pause even though I want to speak. These people do not wish to share their lives with me and who can blame them. I minimized their grief by blurting out. Good Luck to you and me.
- —Guest Moonkwean
OOPS - SORRY
- Well, I have many times said things that were not meant to be said e.g. about their weight. In my defense I was being honest but brutal to hear according to them. I have now learned the art of being artfully untruthful, so that they are happy for people don’t want to hear the brutal truth. How to live with it after being said? Well, to my way of thinking I was honest so I lived with it fine and when the other people got upset, well, they knew that they would always get an honest answer from me. I think if you apologize and let them know that you have this habit of being honest and if they are your friends they will understand. I do realize though after years that it’s best just to tell half truths when it involves them personally. And ask yourself what you would like to hear if you were in their shoes. If you can’t handle the brutal truth then that’s your answer.
- —Guest monica- Durban
- The subject of not finding the right words to express what you want is my biggest bugaboo. Many times in trying to find the right word, I say the wrong ones. Then I sound shallow or stupid. I'm a 65 yr. old woman who is also a nurse. This problem seems to have become noticeable in the last ten years. I also do things or blurt out something inappropriate at the moment. I've started withdrawing from some social circles just to prevent embarrassment. Funny thing is, during my nursing years I never did this. I was told by one employer that I was his best PR but that I made so many mistakes in writing down treatment numbers that I was losing money for him. He didn't fire me, but I felt so bad about myself, I changed jobs. Why would like to know if others found themselves blurting more as they age. Thanks, Gail (Lefty)
- —Guest 06108345
- I am a 16 year old female who has struggled with ADHD my whole life. I seem to struggle with laughing at inappropriate times - it sucks really bad because I don’t mean to. As for blurting out, I do it way too often. As a matter of fact, I tend to hurt people’s feelings when I do... since I don’t realize what I am doing until after I have done it.
- —Guest Moriah Ford-Gowan
For What It Is Worth...
- I have learned that "it is better to be kind than to be right" very late in life. Best, Penelope
I say hurtful things to the one I love
- At what might seem at a random occasion, even at a time when there is harmony or even a mutual feeling of closeness, I blurt out random, often hurtful remarks. For instance, today, my girlfriend and I were watching a moving music video and she was visibly moved by the video - the two characters had grown old together and it was obvious that she was thinking of us growing old together - I felt the same thing but instead I blurted out "I don't want to join you in your pity party" - a random, very hurtful remark when I had the same feelings as she. It's been a rough year - meager income but we are managing. Today had been a good day up until this point, until I ruined it yet again. I don't want to be doing this and my psychologist has clearly indicated that I do have ADD or ADHD. I don't want to keep hurting the one I love so much.
Not stopping to think
- I am only 17 and I know I am very irritating to both my parents and the people around me. I've had to deal with ADD my whole life, just like my brother. I have found that listening to music and focusing on the music instead of the people around me that I tend to not talk so much.
- —Guest Ta
Just want to hide
- If I just stay away from people and could find a job where I just have to be quiet and not speak to anyone, I could stop beating myself up for saying dumb things or trying to defend myself.
- Hello everyone! I'm verbally challenged too. I am 38 years old, not that it makes a difference but I seem to say things that offend people all the time. It seems to me that the social norms in environments vary too. In athletic activities I seem to fit in pretty normally but in regular sit on the porch and jibber jabber about every tom dick and harry I’m rude and inconsiderate. I have been in the military and around a lot of deaf people. Sometime I wish I couldn’t speak so I could fit in. My husband tells me I offend him and his friends and family too! It’s like I need to wear a gag ball to stay quite or be a submissive Asian lady that doesn’t speak her mind. I read the bible a lot and it’s almost like my words are like swords. Nashing, and cutting people like knives. I feel cursed and I too have been diagnosed and currently take medication for ADD/ADHD, Bipolar, manic depression and schizophrenia. God help me.
- —Guest carrie snell
Same old story
- I hate that feeling when i'm sitting in class and then I ask a question that is so misconstrued to the point where everybody has something to say about it. It is the worst feeling in the world!!! I get a slight irritable hot feeling in my throat and the back of my neck. I don't know whether I hate all teenagers in general (because I am 17) or if I just want to shrivel up in a sleeping bag and die. I wish I could say the right things, but I always get the same salty look whenever I open my freakin mouth.
- —Guest WhattheFudge
- I have read a lot of what everyone here has said, and I too have been having this issue from time to time. I find it much easier to type things out on a computer since it allows me to correct anything that i didn't 'mean' to say. Since I was very young I was diagnosed with A.D.D and was on Ritalin until I began high school. Now im in my mid 20's and I think that it has gotten much better since I focus a lot on school and work, but I notice that there are two things I do passively without even thinking. 1. I loath attention, and if I don't get it when near people I feel down, as if I deserve that attention. 2. I tend to respond to every question, and sometimes the answer I give is nastier than how I would like to have originally said it. Look, I can't go back and correct it, however I can change my ways by understanding the problems I have and working at it to fix it. That is what I'm doing and I think this is a process that will take time but eventually it will be very easy.
- —Guest thatguy
- 5 yrs. of treating Bipolar Disorder later! I began to research ADD when my daughter was diagnosed. I read about restlessness, SAYING THINGS WITHOUT THINKING, problems with concentration, and inability to complete tasks. I have three daughters so I'm constantly around parents from soccer, softball, and volleyball teams. I'm 30 yrs. old and there is usually a 5-15 yr. age difference. When I start talking about personal things, or jumping into conversations that I shouldn't. I instantly feel embarrassed, stupid and out of place. The only thing that has worked is distancing myself. The problem with that is they start asking me, if I'm okay? I started taking medication last month (Adderall). I can really feel the change; I don't feel like I'm running at 100 miles an hour anymore. I can remember things, focus, blurting inappropriate comments has declined. I'm ready to start living!
- —Guest Blanca