Experienced ADD Adult
- Physical punishment is useless and harmful. ADD children must have CONSISTENT structure. Rules should not overwhelm the child. They should be according to the age of the child and consistently enforced. Best book to read is called: "Driven to Distraction"--You should be able to get it at your local library.
- —Guest Rose Koeller
My Thoughts on ADD Kids
- 2 things come immediately to mind: -I was very bright as a child, and found it hardest to focus when I was bored. I had my best school year when we moved to a school where students were divided up by skill level, instead of by age. The information was then new to me, and not a review of what I already knew. The thing that would have been most helpful for me that I didn't get was training in how to be out on my own: how to balance a checkbook, stick to a budget, cook for one person, live with roommates, and so forth. It was assumed that I would know how to do this, and at 50, I'm still struggling with managing my money! I hope this helps!
- —Guest Deb
Insights on Raising a Child with ADHD
- They are very comfortable being by themselves, and will be with friends as they want. At whatever age, they may have more friendships with younger children. They’re not always comfortable with children their own age. They are not cynical, or socially intuitive, so parents need to teach them how to behave in different situations. Talk with them ahead of time. They’ll feel more comfortable. They do not see the consequences of actions or decisions they make. They do not see "the whole picture." Think ahead for them. Any child with characteristics of ASD needs that little extra involvement with their parents. They can feel melancholy and glum, so they need to feel you are there for them. Parents need to be there, even if it’s just to listen to them talk. Take lots of pictures - of everyday events as well as important occasions. This helps keep the memories and use as memory triggers later. They are loyal, have commitment and thrive on structure and organization.
- —rosieslady
When I Was a Kid
- I'm 60 now . . . I'm not sure when I was a kid we even knew about ADHD -- even in kids. My dad's hobby was working on the car and he often wanted my help . . . which meant standing in one place and holding the flashlight for him. So I hated "working on the car." My mom wanted me to stand at the sink when I brushed my teeth - - so I stopped brushing my teeth. When you want your child to do something, try to understand that he or she probably isn't going to happily stand in one place while doing it.
- —wbjohn
Adult ADHD Advice
- As a child, I felt like I didn't know why I got in trouble sometimes. It wasn't until after I was told that I realized I had done wrong. My parents did not know what ADHD was and I was never diagnosed. They would have survived my childhood better if I could have been on medication. I certainly think I would have felt better about myself if I had some control through medicine or something, just control of my behavior. As a result, I have to always be in control now, but I still end up doing something wrong and/or being embarrassed because of my inability to control my actions (impulsivity). I also worked so hard to be the best at something/anything, but it never materialized because my thoughts were so scattered and/or I couldn't follow through. I suffered many disappointments because I KNEW I could do it, but it didn't pan out. I am so thankful that God gave me a talent to be a musician. I could be better, but am satisfied with my progress. It is my biggest accomplishment.
- —Guest Debbie
The Balance of Good & Bad (Messages)
- I am writing a book for parents that has a strong emphasis on this very area. Probably the most important thing to do is be careful what you say. These kids crave support and approval like air. Take a moment before you criticize, or offer a "yes, but" sentence. Is the issue really important? Do you have to add that hint of sarcasm? Think about how your message will sound to those extra-sensitized ears who hear negative in most areas of their lives, all day -every day. Experts suggest a ratio of at LEAST 50% positive -and these need to be genuine, sincere approvals. Words of scorching frustration are soon forgotten by the speaker, but echo in the mind of the child that hears them -verbatim. If parents could live just one day of the pressure, stress, and unpopularity ADHD kids experience (or re-live, for those who have forgotten what it's like), they would be much altered. I want to help parents forge a closer bond w/ their misunderstood children. Best of luck :)
- —RSAdams68
My Reflection on My Childhood Experience
- I am 45 now and was diagnosed last year with ADHD. I recommend helping your children by stressing the importance of organization and balance in life. For example, teach them that pencils go in the pencil holder when they are finished using them. Everything has a place is a philosophy that is good to teach them. In the first grade I tested out on a fourth and fifth grade level in several subjects. I did not do very well in school and I like to learn. It was the ADHD thing going on. Structure is important - teach your children how to budget money at an early age using a spreadsheet. Structure is most important. Also, teach them methods for completing tasks. Parents, have patience as well. I hope this helps.
- —Guest Kim
Growing Up With ADD
- I grew up in the 60's and 70's and how I wish ADD was "known" back then instead of finally being diagnosed at the age of 47. The frustrations of not understanding why I couldn't keep relationships with friends, being considered lazy and difficult, difficulty learning in school due to inattentiveness and constantly at odds with my parents defending my behaviors because they did not know what I was going on with me. All of this also lead to depression. To the parents with children with ADD/ADHD, I would urge that you learn all you can to find the methods that help your child, including medications. That's what I have done and my life has improved dramatically! Also, have patience. Lots of it! Your child can't help what they do and love. Understanding and knowledge will help them become self-assured adults.
- —Guest Kathy from NJ
ADHD Adult
- You are a wonderful parent because you want to help. When I was growing up it was really hard because I was extremely active and my parents went so far as to say they didn't want any other children. I am 60 and ADHD wasn't really diagnosed like it is now. I had so many problems I ended up in a mental institution having shock treatments. I can identify an ADHD child right away. Some people disagree about medication versus none. I am on medication and doing quite well. Without medication I am all over the place. I talk nonstop and say exactly what I am thinking. In the workplace that doesn't go over very well.
- —lswafford
Looking Back
- I was a girl with undiagnosed ADD in the 60's. My son was diagnosed in the 80's. I wish my parents had encouraged me to stick with things a little longer -- music lessons, activities etc. I might have eventually quit anyway if it was boring, but I should have given such things a longer try. Paying attention to what really holds your child’s attention and then making opportunities for him to learn more, improve skills or just do it would be great. My son had a dangerous habit of saying he was going one place, winding up in another and not communicating the change to anyone. I still get chills thinking of how many times I've combed the neighborhood looking for him. Be aware that boys with ADD may take much longer to reach maturity levels. My son was usually about two years behind his age group in maturity skills. Difficult in the teens, but worth the extra guidance it takes.
- —ezbi
It Is Very Hard....
- First of all you are great parents! Really it is very hard for a child with ADHD because people think you are stupid and you are not intelligent. They also think that you are not listening to them and you are ignoring them, and this is not true. It is just that you can't follow them. You can't follow your teacher in the class. You live in your own dreams as if you are living alone with your heroes.
- —Guest yasmeen
Calling on All Adults with ADHD
- I have an IQ that's been tested a 148...and yet I cannot remember where I put my car keys, my girlfriend's maiden name, or what kind of jewelry she likes. I learned early in life how to adapt and camouflage my "shortcomings"...or so I thought. In reality, I just hid them from myself; everyone else around me recognized them for what they were. I'm 49 years old, and I've spent my life feeling as if there was something wrong with me. It turns out there is, but ADD isn't a death sentence. I've lost a lot because of it- I never really had friends as a child because of my tendency to isolate myself. I created my own world because it was safer and less stressful there, and I didn't feel like a screw-up. Until recently, when I was diagnosed, I never believed that ADD was an "adult thing." Now I recognize that I've dealt with ADD my entire life. No adults ever recognized or understood what was "wrong" with me, so patience was in short supply. Understanding was even harder to come by.
- —Guest Jack Cluth
Read Jack Gantos for Perspective
- For parents who would like a little more perspective on how the ADHD mind thinks, I would recommend Jack Gantos books about Joey Pigza. They are books geared to adolescents but I feel as if he really has it down pat in his character's ADHD mind.
- —Guest Ken Caudill
What ADHD Feels Like
- I wrote an essay, from the point of view of a child (me) which I have presented to parents and teachers. You can read it here: http://www.radioessays.com/essays/viewfrominhere/ Here's an excerpt (I'm in 1st grade): "I look down at my desk: There are all these little squares of green paper. I don't know where they came from. Each square has a number on it. What am I supposed to do with those? I look around at the other kids and a hot stab of panic shoots through my chest. All the other kids are doing something special with those numbers. They all know what to do. Now the teacher is moving up and down the aisles, licking little gold stars and pressing them to the foreheads of the kids who know what they're doing. She goes right past me. I don't belong here. I don't know how I got here. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'd go home, but I don't know how to do that either."
- —JanisJaquith
Tips For ADD Parents
- My youngster diagnosed with ADD is now an adult with ADD. I spent massive amounts of time trying to understand ADD and ADHD and its effects. Extreme patience and further and deeper understanding is the only avenue. My son is a college graduate but along the way suffered terribly from a lack of performing like others. ADD is the height of frustration most of the time for both the child now an adult and the parent who really truly cares. I wish I had easier words or advice to give but I do not. You are probably the only person who remotely understands your youngster. We went through Dr's, counseling and medications and not much ever got better for my son. He has been through jobs as others do not understand his symptoms and that is a hurtful part to him. Finally, at least in my case the only thing you really can do is deeply understand the effects of ADD as I wanted to in order to accept the things I was not accepting about my son. God Bless - it is a hard and difficult road.
- —JoeBish
Husband Had ADHD
- My husband had ADHD, and now my son does. My husband's mother just thought and said my husband was always hyperactive and mean. But back then they did not realize ADHD as a medical concern (diagnosis). And honestly they still get upset that we are giving Cameron medication for it. But they don't live with him. She was not the typical mom and was not a good mom, or not in my book, so not sure you can go by what she did/didn't do. I do think if she would have helped my husband more in school then he would be much better off now. He was very good in sports (all of them) so he excelled at that, and was allowed to just barely get by in school work. But so were his sisters. LOL!!! Good luck. I am new to this too and wonder if I am doing things right with my son. So I am also interested in hearing from adults with ADHD.
- —Guest dlhicks
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